I don't know who the action figure was, but she wore a metal bra and had a cape.
Weird Habits of Old Boyfriends.
I once dated a man who was very successful in the tech industry. Being that he was in the tech industry he was, of course, socially awkward, but not absurdly so: for instance, he could successfully make eye contact, and he washed his hair regularly, to mention a few signs of relative normalcy.
He collected toys that he fondly remembered from his childhood, but he had a sense of humor about it: I once accidentally knocked one over from a shelf -- I think it was some kind of Mutant Turtle Ninja thing -- and he didn't act like the sky was falling. As opposed to the boyfriend who melted down when I put one of his CDs back out of alphabetical order. Because The Strokes go under 'T', not 'S'. Really.
The tech boyfriend was shy about sex, but he never mentioned his mother when we were in bed naked, so that was a plus.
However, one night he summoned the nerve to maybe try something new maybe. Which he then illustrated by holding up a female action figure positioned to be on her hands and knees. I don't know who the action figure was, but she wore a metal bra and had a cape. I assumed he was meaning to ask about having sex with me from behind, pretty much because he was holding one of the Mutant Turtle Ninja things behind her, but maybe he wanted the metal bra and cape, too, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I laughed, but he didn't laugh with me. Oops. But how could you not laugh when the guy could've been asking for me to get screwed from behind by a Mutant Turtle Ninja thing? Who knows, maybe he had a Mutant Turtle Ninja costume in the closet. I'm not sure if this would've been better or worse if it was, say, a Spiderman costume, but at least Spiderman is a human, not an amphibian, or reptile, or whatever turtles are.
So I tried to lighten the mood: I took the toys and positioned the Mutant Turtle Ninja thing's head between the legs of Metal Bra with Cape Woman and said "How about this first...?"
He looked shocked: evidently, even the idea of a male toy going down on a female toy seemed to frighten him. Which let me know that this was not going to last: if you are in your late twenties and don't have at least some cunnilingual skills then I don't want to be your instructor. Even if you have mutant ninja powers.
I once dated a man who was very successful in the tech industry. Being that he was in the tech industry he was, of course, socially awkward, but not absurdly so: for instance, he could successfully make eye contact, and he washed his hair regularly, to mention a few signs of relative normalcy.
He collected toys that he fondly remembered from his childhood, but he had a sense of humor about it: I once accidentally knocked one over from a shelf -- I think it was some kind of Mutant Turtle Ninja thing -- and he didn't act like the sky was falling. As opposed to the boyfriend who melted down when I put one of his CDs back out of alphabetical order. Because The Strokes go under 'T', not 'S'. Really.
The tech boyfriend was shy about sex, but he never mentioned his mother when we were in bed naked, so that was a plus.
However, one night he summoned the nerve to maybe try something new maybe. Which he then illustrated by holding up a female action figure positioned to be on her hands and knees. I don't know who the action figure was, but she wore a metal bra and had a cape. I assumed he was meaning to ask about having sex with me from behind, pretty much because he was holding one of the Mutant Turtle Ninja things behind her, but maybe he wanted the metal bra and cape, too, I'm not sure.
Anyway, I laughed, but he didn't laugh with me. Oops. But how could you not laugh when the guy could've been asking for me to get screwed from behind by a Mutant Turtle Ninja thing? Who knows, maybe he had a Mutant Turtle Ninja costume in the closet. I'm not sure if this would've been better or worse if it was, say, a Spiderman costume, but at least Spiderman is a human, not an amphibian, or reptile, or whatever turtles are.
So I tried to lighten the mood: I took the toys and positioned the Mutant Turtle Ninja thing's head between the legs of Metal Bra with Cape Woman and said "How about this first...?"
He looked shocked: evidently, even the idea of a male toy going down on a female toy seemed to frighten him. Which let me know that this was not going to last: if you are in your late twenties and don't have at least some cunnilingual skills then I don't want to be your instructor. Even if you have mutant ninja powers.
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